With their highly evolved bodies and minimal settings, Samsung appliance ads offer a new twist on the old man-woman-machine love triangle.

Talk about the roar of a new sex machine, or a fresh way of embracing your big-ticket items. In particular, the image of man and microwave (top right) suggests a mother lode of New Male Pec Sex lines, like “Shut up and show us your kitchen appliances.” I also like the idea of calling the shirtless, eyeless one Atlas Unplugged: “Is that a popcorn popper under your arm, or are you happy to see me?" Obviously, this fashion-y Samsung campaign gets attention for a Korean brand otherwise dissed as second-rate. The great graphic look demands attention from Sony snobs; by juxtaposing these everyday techno-objects with such highly evolved bodies in a cropped, minimal-aesthetic setting (no dens with brown shag carpet or Moms on the phone in the kitchen here), the brand is forced upward on the image food chain.

At the same time, the pumped bodies are evocative of health club and underwear ads; it’s equally clear that Samsung is using blatant sex to sell. But it is a humorous twist on the old 1950s babe-draped-over-the-car-hood. I like the fact it’s an equal opportunity objectifier: Attraction to microwaves is not necessarily a female thing. That’s what’s so smart. In the old love triangle (man, woman, machine) advertisers sold, say, a washer and dryer or a vacuum to women as love objects more powerful and reliable than their husbands; they also pitched cars or boats to men as their new mistresses.

But this campaign is aimed at a young market, where there’s more equality between the sexes. For better or worse, that’s also reflected here with each gender practicing similar forms of creepy technophiha. By the way, has anyone checked to see if these poor fondled appliances are underage?

There’s also an undeniable element of self-arousal. The shot of the blond chignon woman plastering herself against the TV (top left) is the perfect modern illustration of narcissism. In classical mythology, Narcissus fell in love with his reflection in a pool. The TV monitor updates the myth: Nowadays, an experience isn’t an experience unless you can watch it on a screen. We also live in a more complicated time for relationships. Phone and computer sex is on the rise because of the fear of connecting directly. But as depicted here, the odd coupling of humans and electronics does not look particularly safe or comfortable. TV Woman is so jammed against that set that she might as well be getting a mammogram.

Actually, Shaved Head Man (bottom left) seems to be having the most natural and organic interaction of all; the focus on these body parts (ears and the brain) is related to the act of listening. As such, this bareheaded guy seems the modern graphic update to the famous Maxell ad that showed a hippieish guy in a chair, his long hair and scarf getting blown away by the sound. A TV version of Microwave Man broke last week. The spot begins promisingly enough, with a Raging Bull like-sequence of said guy in a gym, pounding a punching bag. Then he gets dressed, picks up his microwave from the bench and leaves. This attachment to his plug-in oven could be very funny, but the commercial plays it straight. As with the print ads, it makes the point that “vegetables cooked in a microwave retain more vitamins...”

Now that seems disingenuous. If you’re going to use sex to sell, just do it. But don’t try to make some lame connection to health. And if we’re really going to call a spade a spade, given the radiation issue and the constant physical contact, doesn’t anyone else worry about what’s happening to Microwave Man’s sperm count?